Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
