just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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