Just fell off a train. Bad.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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