my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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