Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
