Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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