Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
