just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
