I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
