In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
