Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
