There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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