He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
