Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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