fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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