I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
