don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Someone signed my nipple.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize