I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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