i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
did you just send me my own nude
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
