There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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