this beer tastes like vomit already
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
