Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
