We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
