So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
