so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
