I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
