A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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