I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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