The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
