I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
