Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
