my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
