Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
