i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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