Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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