You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
