thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
