If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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