Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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