wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
