lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
