There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
