I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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