My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
