We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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