i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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