dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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