five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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