is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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