Capitaan dildo arrescate!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
