this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
