Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
