I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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