OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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