I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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