dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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