dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
