Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
