Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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