How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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