The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
