feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
