I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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