you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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