Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
