I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize