I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
