I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
