I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
