I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
