Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
