Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
