your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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