i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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