If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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