she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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