whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
