we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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