After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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