jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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