The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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