I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
