he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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