JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
