I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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