Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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