If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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