The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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