I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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