I love black thongs
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize