So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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