I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
