also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
