I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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