WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
